Saturday, April 7, 2012

Ikaw Lamang

I was trying to kill my boredom by doing a movie marathon, alternating between foreign and local films when I heard this familiar song from the movie Dubai:

I didn't realize that this song is a soundtrack of this movie. This is the song you used to sing to me. When we were walking in the mall, you'll put your hand on my shoulder and sing this song in my ear making sure that I'm the only person who hears you. I would always show my disapproval as I hate any form of public display of affection. I really never appreciated this song. I really never appreciated you.

You came into my life through a message popping out on my screen. You said you've mistaken me from another person with a similar name. You asked for my Friendster account and then for my number. I was going through a difficult phase in my life back then. I just found out that Mark was cheating on me. I thought I can use you to get even with him. In fact apart from you, I was also seeing another guy to show Mark that I can do better.

I genuinely feel that I loved you on that short period of time that we're together. But everything worked against us. I still loved Mark even though I hated him. I was so confused with who I am as well and was contemplating to live a "straight" life instead. I was also about to leave the country. It was too much for me and one day I just decided not to respond to your text and answer your calls.

I hated how I acted such an a**hole but I'm not the type of guy who's good in sitting down and talking through things. After a week, I just sent you a text explaining everything. Your reply was short but full of sting. For you I was already dead.

Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong minamahal
Ang tangi kong dinarasal
Sana'y habangbuhay tayong magkasama
Ang puso ko'y ibibigay lamang sayo 
Ito ang aking pangako
Mula ngayon hanggang magpakailan pa man
Ikaw lamang

I never paid attention to the meaning of the song. Now I realized how much you loved me more than I did. I couldn't help but feel sad but I don't have any regrets. I'm glad you've accepted my friend request on Facebook and I completely understand why you didn't respond when I sent you a message asking you how you are. To you I was already dead.

Through this post I want to thank you. You made me feel special and loved when my confidence was at its lowest. I hope you are happy now with that person who makes you feel special too and who sings you a song of love that you really deserve.


  1. Hay Alex. These kinds of stories really get me. Nostalgia, memory. Oh well.

    They say timing is everything. If only you had met at a later time, if only fate was kinder. But, we live with what we have. Perhaps one day, you and Mark can be friends. Who knows?


    1. Hi Kane! I agree with you! Sometimes you just can help but remember the good times you shared together and think about the "what ifs".