In the name of love (Final Part)

"Hindi mo na ba ako mahal?", I asked him directly hoping for a positive answer.

"I don't know... I don't know anymore", Jordan replied.

Things suddenly dawned on me. It was like being doused with cold water. It was a quick realization.

Jordan was trying to explain things but I'm not interested anymore. All I know at that point is that our relationship was over.

"Fuck off! I don't want to hear a single word from you". I told him.

The pain in my chest was throbbing but no tears were falling. 

"I'm ready to leave Jordan. Actually naka-pack na ung bag ko" I told him calmly.

"You can still stay here I'm not asking you to leave. You don't have anywhere else to go"

Jordan was actually right. My family didn't have a clue that I was in the Philippines during that time. I felt so powerless but I didn't see the point in staying at Jordan's place. I had to call Paul.

Paul was shocked with the unexpected turn of events between me and Jordan. He told me to book a room in a hotel near Trinoma and he will keep me company there.

"Alex I'm so worried. Don't make any decisions now. I'll make the decisions for you. The rational part of your brain is not working at this moment. Just go to that hotel and I will be there shortly" Paul assured me.

When I got myself together. I calmly talked to Jordan.

"I didn't know what happened but somehow I expected this with the way the things are during the past days. Minahal kita. Actually hanggang ngayon mahal na mahal pa din kita but we both know that I have to go".

Jordan was crying the whole time and gave me one last embrace. It was as tight as the hug he gave me when he picked me up at the airport but this time for the different reason. He helped me hail a taxi cab.

When I got to the hotel room it was when I realized that I was all alone and that I failed at another relationship again. I cried. Paul got there after an hour.

"Alex, you have three options. First option eh book an earlier flight and bumalik ka na sa UK. Second option is to find a cheaper place to stay at dun ka na lang until your return flight . The third option is sa amin ka na lang mag stay."

I didn't like the first option. Not only it was expensive but I felt that I wasn't prepared to board another 21-hour flight carrying all the emotional baggage The second option didn't sound good either as I didn't want to feel alone and miserable in a cheap apartelle. The third option might be the best but Paul lives with his mother and for sure she will ask me questions that I don't know how to answer.

"Paul I think I need to go home. I need to see my family. I will call my mom and dad first thing tomorrow and I will tell them everything. For sure they will still accept me, I am still their son right?". I told Paul.

"No. I think there is a right time to come out to your parents. Not at this situation. Matanda na sila and they will be hurt to see you at this situation. If you need to go home we need to fabricate a story" Paul rebutted my suggestion.

Paul invited Trevor one of his and Jordan's PLU friends to help console me. Trevor was equally surprised with what happened between me and Jordan.

"You need drug, alcohol and sex!" Trevor quicky prescribed.

"Sorry I don't do drugs. Alcohol and sex puede pa." I replied to Trevor.

We went to O-Bar in Malate that night and it was my first time at a gay bar .

"Parang kanina lang magkasama pa kami ni Jordan. Look where I am now. I'm at a gay bar drowning myself with alcohol" I told Paul and Trevor.

I didn't really want to hook up that night and I'm sure Paul wouldn't allow me to as he never left my side. He even stayed in my hotel room overnight to make sure that I'm fine. He however had to leave in the morning for work. I told myself it's time to come home.

"Oh bakit ka umuwi? Anong nangyari sayo?" My dad asked me in a surprise but worried tone the moment he saw me at our door step.

"Dad napromote ako sa office and they gave me 1 week holiday kaya nagdecide ako na umuwi muna ng Pinas". I told my dad while trying to fake a smile.